Are you the type of mom that looks at her children and just wants the best for them? As a result you try to micro-manage everything they do because you know what is best. You wish that you could secretly hover over them and manipulate them as if they were a puppet on a string so that every move was precise. If this is you, then you need to join our “Mother Hover Club”. This club was designed for the mother who is stressed about all the little things their child is doing or not doing. Trying to micro manage my older son Kern caused stress beyond belief. You want your child to be perfect in the eyes of others, just like they are in your eyes, and you try to make sure that happens, from making sure he knows how to properly blowing his nose, combing his hair, wearing clothes that match, caring about grades and doing projects a few days before, not the night before, and the list goes on. I drove myself crazy doing all of these things, until I joined the Mother Hover Club. The first step to recovery is to admit you are a mom who micro manages your kid(s). Then openly discuss this with the group and devise a plan of attack. The members of the club let me see that I am not alone and that they are there to support you. There are many moms out there just like me. Since joining the club, I have learned that some things are not worth stressing about. Now I know it is okay to step back and let my child try to do things and possibly fail, because as we all know, failure leads to success.
I had a break through the other day. This occurred to me when I was delivering a basket of clean clothes to my son, who of course will just throw it on his bed, another discussion for later. To my surprise, my son Kern, who is now a sophomore at Lincolnway East, was studying without me even saying a word. It was strange but a video of my son was going through my head as I was leaving his room, my infant son who would not eat and cried all the time, my son at 2 at the top of the steps nose running and coming to kiss me, at 5-12 hair a mess and ready to go outside and play, 9-13 wearing clothes that didn’t match at all but insisting that he is going to school like that, and 8-14 arguing with his father and I about his grades and his lack of effort. Now my son is 15 and it brings tears to my eyes to see my son, a young man, who will be leaving in 2 years for college, taking 2-3 showers a day and making sure his hair looks good (for the girls of course), wearing clothes that match, and not only doing his homework without my husband and I hounding him, but being on high honors and figuring out a way to bring up his honors chemistry to a solid A, while also being a 3 sport athlete at his school. It is funny how life goes by so fast. That video in my mind of my son took just a few seconds, but the stress and worrying sometimes for nothing, took years. Who knows maybe it was because my micro managing, but I think I am going to give the credit to my son, who took some of the advice from his parents, applied it when needed and disregarded it when it disrupted his agenda. After all, isn’t that what a parent is suppose to do? Guide and advise to help the child make good decisions. I cant be there for every moment to protect him from others, but I can teach him what it will take to make good decision that will help him in his future. In the end, it doesn’t really matter because he is turning out to be one great young man!!!
By the way, the Mother Hover Club does not really formally exist. I do have some colleagues here at CP that joke around about being part of this club. It is nice to hear all the stories about how, we moms, love our kids so much that we want the world for them! It’s just the stress we can do without. So just smile and know that your love and guidance is molding your child even if they wont admit it.